The Rebel Inside.

It's hit me. I'm so done with where I am right now.  I want something new to happen for me.  Like, that's great for other people that new things are coming their way, but I want to be selfish and I want to do something. I want to move on in life - I want to do my own things - and I want to visit my freaking boyfriend! So many things, but it's like I'm still stuck in a kid's body.  I wish I was living life somewhere different..not here. I wish I could live life like you are, away from everyone.  I wish I was moving somewhere or going away to college..something. All my life I've wanted to travel and move around and do my own thing, and now that I actually am ready, I'm stuck.  Yes, I want to be successful in my life, but sometimes I wish I could just live in the middle of no where and be lazy and sleep.  I figure I'm just ranting on here, but I really wish I could change how things are.

Untitled

Scratch the whole worry thing, I gave it to God.  He'll help me deal.

Worry

You know, I worry way too much.  I try not to, but it's my downfall.  It's so hard not to be pessimistic about some things in life.. even when things are good, I start to worry - how could I be so blessed? Even though I've never really been screwed over in my life, it's a huge fear of mine.. Am I really worth it? I just don't believe it.  I can be such a strong person but once I start doubting peoples capabilities and my own, I start to break down. Every time it happens, I tell myself I know better....but it's a gradual change. I can't all of a sudden shove off my worry.  But I want you to know - I need you to know, I'm trying. I truly am trying.

Cinco de Mayo

This blog actually has nothing to do with Cinco de Mayo, just in case you got really excited to hear a story about a drunk Katie Suho. Anyways, school is almost over.  I can't believe it.  I'm scared for the future.  The other day I questioned if I could really handle nursing and so much schooling - but then I shut up and told myself I could.  I always over think things way too much...I'd do a lot better in situations if I was just thrown into things and didn't have time to think about it.  And what's the point of buying a cap and gown?  I mean, mine right now is just chilling in my closet - and it'll be there for about a month until I use it for a couple hours and then probably pull it out a couple years from now for when I move out of my house.  Such a waste of money, I think.  Except the tassel is nice...I'm definitely keeping that. (:  Anyways, I don't really have a main thing to write about tonight..or lately.  I need some motivation! This weather needs to get even nicer so I can go outside and relax and get great ideas to post on here for my two followers that probably don't even read this!! Well, it's time that I stop before I really embarrass myself.  Just kidding, I'm not saying anything embarrassing.  But I'm tired.  Night alllllllll.

Forever

I haven't posted a blog in forever. Just thought I should let you know...in case you were worried like, "oh no! why hasn't Katie posted a blog in forever?!" So don't worry, I know - I know.

My Longing

I long so badly to lead worship for a group of people who don't even need a leader....to be at the front end of people running after God. It would be such a beautiful sound if I didn't have to even sing.

Random thought. I love worship. I love God. I love people who don't just walk, but run after Him.

1:42 a.m.

I miss my boyfriend.

Genesis 8:21

So random thought.  I was reading Genesis the other day, reading about the first altar that Noah made to God, but something caught my eye.  Within verse 21, God says that we all have a bent mind from the time we're born...for some reason I thought this was kind of humorous; the fact that God knows that we're messed up from the beginning of life - I just thought it was some sort of sarcasm...I don't know...haha!


"I'll never again curse the ground because of people. I know they have this bent toward evil from an early age, but I'll never again kill off everything living as I've just done.

    For as long as Earth lasts,
      planting and harvest, cold and heat,
   Summer and winter, day and night
      will never stop."

Growing Up

People say what you want in life changes as you grow older.  But I can see myself sticking to the things that I want in life.  I grew up with pretty big sibling gaps within my family, and being the baby, I learned to grow up fast.  I may not know things about money and some every day life, but I know the deep stuff.  I have some type of plan for my career, I know what I'd like in my future spouse and marriage, and I know my relationship with Jesus Christ.  I heard somewhere that the last born child is always the one for the center of attention (so true, even when I try not to be, I am).  And that they always take chances and have a more optimistic view of the world.  Usually they move out younger and are content afterwards.. That is how I'm feeling right now.  Not that I don't love my family, but everyone is starting to leave or move on with their lives....and I feel like I'm ready too.  Maybe I'm just crazy.  But my parents are older, their ready to be grandparents, not parents.  I don't really know the point of this, I think what made me mad was that my mom flipped a lid on me because I didn't tell her the real price of something that I bought with my own money.. how am I supposed to act older if my mom is checking up on how much money I spend on shoes? Blah. So all of this to write: I've decided to move into the basement. Haha, not the most ideal place, but better than right upstairs with mommy and daddy.  Plus, since I'm doing this whole nursing thing, I'll need room to study...I can't even fit a desk in my room that I have now.  Anyways, I'm done ranting. Goodnight!

Bappy April.

It's only 12:16 am, but I already know that today is going to be an "I miss Brendan" day.  Not that I normally don't, but it's just one of those days.  I miss him a lot.  And not like, to the point where I'll cry over it, because personally, I think I've done really good with handling my emotions (except the whole graduation drama).  But it's just like, a longing to see him.  Hug him, kiss him, laugh with him - just be happy.

But enough talk with that, I feel like I'm always talking about our relationship (because I normally do) on here.  I can't believe today is already April 1st!  Time really does fly.. But my April Fools plans are to tell my mom ridiculous things.  I know she'd appreciate that.  And she'll believe me too.  Oh, it'll be grand!

Well, I'm going to try to get my HUGE letter to Brendan done...started writing it earlier today and already have like, 4 pages...he said he wanted to know how my days are going, so I'll tell him!! Haha, I'm such a jerk.  But once I finish that, I'd like to pick up the Bible again - I'm so bad with my reading :\  But slowly I get better.. Tomorrow I shall run a few errands, and then I'm hanging out with my long lost best friend, Emily.  It shall be good.

But for now, Bappy April.

1:09 a.m.

This will be short.  I just felt like writing something though.  I loved the weather today - so bright and sunny.  The only thing missing was the clear blue skies, wind, and 85 degree weather.  Other than that, I was content!  Today seemed like it dragged on, yet it sped by so fast...and now I'm here, writing at 1 in the morning.  Tomorrow is my day off.  I love Wednesdays.  I get to go to the bank, go shopping, get letters from my man, and go to youth where all my friends are.  It's going to be a great day tomorrow! But now I'm going to bed, and before I do that I'm going to write a letter so that Brendan is happy (and so that he gets a letter every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday - due to his request of me writing him every other day).  The things I do for that man.

Monday

Monday, Monday, Monday.  Started today off pretty well.  Got lots of needed sleep, then went to work.  Work was busy at some times, and others it wasn't, but the day moved by pretty fast.  The best part of tonight though was getting a call from Brendan.  Even though he told me not to get used to him calling a lot while he's away, I totally had a feeling he was going to call today.  It's funny because you think you're okay in a relationship when you don't really have much communication between each other, but then it's even better when you hear from that other person - it's like a mini pep-talk saying, "Hey, I'm in this with you. You aren't alone."  It's just good to hear his voice.  I also got paid today - always a good thing!  Nothing else much happened today...I think I'm using this more of a journal than a blog, but as soon as something deep pops in my head, I'll make sure to write it.

But for now, I need to read a while for school, then I'm calling it a night.

Spring Wind

I enjoy writing, so I figured I'd make a blog site.  It helps me get all my emotions out.  I'm a horrible public speaker and I crack jokes to make myself feel better, but I do so much better when I write things out.  So yes.  I enjoy writing.  Except I'm a little blank on what I should write right now.  So I'll just tell you (who ever is out there reading...probably no one) about myself.  I'm an adult and a senior in high school, even though I feel like I've already graduated.  I'm in an accelerated program, meaning, I just take college courses instead of taking classes at my high school.  I love it.  It's way more flexible and it lets me work at crazy hours of the day.  I work at a (mainly) Greek deli and imported foods store.  God blessed me with this job, because it's everything I hoped for in a first job.  The people there are great, and the family that owns the store is awesome.  I just love it!  I sing and play lots of instruments - I'm not the best, but I hope to keep on building my talents.  Singing helps me unwind.  I always have some type of music (usually worship) on while I'm doing every day things.  I can't get enough of it.  I have an amazing boyfriend who is in basic training right now for the navy.  I miss him very badly, but I know it's onto good things.  I pray for him constantly and support him whole-heartedly.  In my opinion, I think it would be cool to move around a lot (even though packing is a pain, you get to live in some cool places!). Even though any person in their right mind would think we're crazy for staying together, we don't think its crazy.  We both know we can stick through this.  We were brought together for a reason, whether it be for just this time in our lives or for a lifetime.  We know each other's strength and weaknesses - surprisingly, we're really good at being strong for each other.  I love getting letters from him and writing him.  You get all the stupid things you'd normally bother someone with when texting them out of the way and you get the real stuff.  The stuff thats most important.  Their true feelings.  It makes a relationship stronger.  It makes you excited because you have no idea when they're going to write - you can't look forward to talking to them everyday...so you write them every chance you get.  I just love it! Sorry, that was my rant about relationships! But yes, so Brendan is in the navy.  He's going to do so awesome in it, I'm so excited for him!!

Anyways, I think this is a pretty good start.  My sister just brought me some strawberries to eat, so I'm going to go eat them.  Tomorrow is a mostly full day of working, but thats okay with me!  Working = $$$$

Peace out my friends.
-K