Here goes nothing..

I've basically told everyone close and important to me the news..but I wanted to get my thoughts written out just so I can look back and be grateful for this time. So here it goes.

If you know me, and know me well enough to know my passions (or are my facebook friend and stalked what I was going to school for), you would know that I am pursuing a nursing degree. But what you might not know is when I was barely in middle school, God called me to lead nations. Yeah, I know. I didn't even know what that meant until I figured out that I enjoyed singing and playing instruments on the worship team about 6 months later. Like the kid I was, with no life experience, I was ready to move away and go to Hillsong to become the best worship leader there was. Again, I was 14. Thank the Lord my parents are smart because (after many arguments that I caused) they finally got a hold of my dreaming mind and said that I needed to do something else. Not that they didn't trust that I heard from God or that they didn't think I could make it in the music world, but they knew me better at that point of my life than I knew myself. You see all I wanted, or truthfully, all I understood worship and music to be, was a show. I didn't know the heart behind it. I didn't know the hardships behind it. I didn't know the commitment...yet. Through my middle school and high school years, I led worship at youth group and for my church and whether I liked it or not, I learned everything that I listed above - and am constantly learning even now. What happened in those years though was decision making. You see growing up I was always changing what I wanted to be when I was older...and seriously, if I didn't believe in God and believe in my calling, I don't know what I would be pursuing right now. But I had finally decided that I wanted to be a nurse. I didn't start thinking about it though until I graduated and then was interested in becoming a midwife (which is just getting your master's in nursing). Then within this past year and a half, I planned out that I would do medical missions and travel all over the world and lead worship and also minister to the sick. Great plan, right? And really, it could be done! Except it wasn't God's plan. And it never was for me. I had this idea of what I thought God wanted me to do, but He never called me to do it. And I always held onto that. I would go in deep thoughts of questioning God because I had two careers in mind but I was never called into one of them. This summer, I decided that I had enough credits to transfer to another school because I was tired of the community college I attend. I applied to various schools all over the US, some getting accepted into and some not. But I never felt right about them. Then this summer, I was so desperate for some type of answer that I remember praying/writing in my journal that if I wasn't supposed to do nursing, that I wanted it to be clear and obvious that I shouldn't do it. I wanted someone to tell me so boldly to get out. To not become a nurse.. And that happened. With someone that I barely knew, who I vaguely told what I was going to school for. After that night, my life changed. And I'm not saying that I'm relying on one person's words to me for the direction of my life, because there were many other opportunities for me to get out, but I was scared. And I should be scared now, but I have this overwhelming peace that cuts off any worry that I have. My options are endless right now. Which leads me to the exciting part of "so what are you going to school for?". I've researched and conversed and prayed and researched even more and still am not sure about what my future will look like, but right now, I'm taking my last two general classes before I start taking courses for the degree I would get if I stay at my school. If I decide to stay here, I would get a photography and graphic design degree, which I'm really excited about. I'm still trying to figure out if that degree is worth it though. I would love to open a small photography business. If you don't know me that well though, I'm letting you know that I'd be perfectly happy not working if I didn't have to..but I need a degree in something. If I decide to transfer somewhere, I might possibly get a communications or a marketing degree. I'm really interested in working with a church or business on their new/social media things..and how they can be relevant to this generation and the next to come. I could easily just work in a church office for a while too. But the one thing I know is that I feel so secure about this decision. It may seem silly or stupid or you might think I'm making the wrong decision because I'm leaving a great career path. But God is over it all. Had I become a nurse, I would've consumed my life with my job - I know it. I love the church and ministry so much that I would be missing out on some amazing things because I'd be working or stuck doing schoolwork..and stuff that I would need to focus on wouldn't be my focus anymore. I'm just thankful that God knows me best. He knows where my passions are because they're His passions. I want to travel. I want to be in the ministry. I want to use photography as a part of my ministry. I want to worship. I want to teach others what it means to worship. I want to see lives changed. Everything I do from now on is to further God's Kingdom. Not to make my life better or to make myself feel or look good, but to help others see who loves them and cares for them. This is a new chapter for me. A new step. But I am so excited. I've been through a lot, which I haven't really even written about. But God never ceases to amaze me. He never lets me down. Even when I've been in the depths of darkness, His light has always been shining. So please join me in prayer for this next season. Like I said, it's scary, but pray for a continual peace over my life. Pray that I would have discernment for any opportunities that might rise up. And that I would always keep God and His plans way over my own.